I am in awe at how fast the “food noise” is shut off with Ozempic. I am just simply, not hungry. I have been having to remind myself to eat this whole week, for fuel. I’m doing really good with what I am eating. I downloaded the Lose It! app to track what I am eating, and all the days I’ve been in a calorie deficit. Not even intentionally. I just haven’t been hungry.

My friend mentioned as we were chatting via Marco Polo that my complexion looked great. And she was right, and I even started my period this week. Normally I would have a break out or three. I think it’s because of all the extra water I am drinking.

I am down to just one Pepsi a day. I just am not craving it or wanting it at work, one in the morning is good enough for me, and I’m not even drinking the full 20oz bottle at that. I did open one last night but had a few drinks out of it and was just eh about it.

I cashed in on the $10 Sam’s Club membership 40th anniversary deal, so I ordered some protein bars on that, and some pre- and probiotic gummies. Yep, I’m an adult and prefer gummies when it comes to supplements.

I am trying to be mindful to snack every few hours but to make it a protein-filled snack, so I ordered Kind bars. I picked up some almonds and I am trying to keep cuties oranges in the fridge at work. I have some carrots and cauliflower at home that I need to prep to bring in to snack on as well.

I’m a little anxious about doing the second shot tonight, but hopeful the nausea isn’t as bad this time around. I think I’m a bit more equipped in that I know to eat better through it.

We shall see.

I had a great appointment with my doctor on Tuesday. She thinks that my bloodwork showed the issues with my kidneys because of the timing of my bloodwork — morning — so I was a bit dehydrated and hadn’t had enough water. She wants me to repeat again next month but later in the day after I’ve had plenty of water.

She’s put me back on Metformin 1000mg ER. She also put me on Ozempic. Her insistence. I picked it up the following day, with the help of the coupon card it only costs me $25.

My doctor explained it a lot with me that I would not feel hungry, so when I was I really needed to eat a lot of protein and healthy foods. She explained that I could experience nausea. She explained that I would likely need to eat smaller meals, more often. I definitely researched all of this, so I kind of knew what was coming.

I took my first dose / shot Wednesday evening. .25mg I wasn’t expecting much but Thursday I was feeling pretty queasy, and nauseous, later in the day. At one point I thought I was going to throw up. I wasn’t hungry at all throughout the day, so I had a few small meals. Friday was worse. I ate even less, I didn’t even finish a 20 oz bottle of Pepsi… usually I have 2 at work, and at least 1 can at home. I was chewing Tums every 4 hours and drinking a shit ton of water.

I woke up today, Saturday, day 4 finally feeling better.

All I have had to eat today: 3/4 of a sausage McMuffin and 1/2 a hash brown from McDonalds about 9ish, then I didn’t eat anything again until about 5, a slice of toast with peanut butter on it, then a few pieces of chicken from a rotisserie chicken about 7.

I am shocked at how quick the “food noise” is shut off in my head. Normally I would have been thinking about lunch about 11:30 today and I wasn’t, hell, I wasn’t even hungry. I only ate the PB toast this evening because I knew I needed something, the same with the chicken.

I have a grocery order for pick up tomorrow with some easy snacks with plenty of protein items, and I’m going to make some protein balls / bars to take to work.

There is a deal going on now for a little while that if you are a new member you can get a Sam’s Club membership for $10, $40 off for their 40th anniversary, so I grabbed one. It’s not as close as Costco but prices are a little cheaper so I’m going to utilize that for some items.

I will start weighing in on Wednesdays and likely posting then as well.

Starting Weight: 271.6

Dose: .25 mg

Shot #1

Side effects: nausea day 2 and 3 after shot

I have been off the Metformin for a 7 weeks. I’ve gained all my weight back and a little more, weighing in at 273.2. This is officially my highest weight. I don’t think I’ve ever been above 272 and I would love to avoid 275+

Stress has been creeping back in. At least when I was overwhelmed with work November – February it was keeping me so busy that I didn’t have time to eat.

I bought myself some new shoes with the hopes of having good shoes will make me want to go walk more. I was thinking of aiming for 2 miles / day. I realize it might happen in the evening. I might have to take the pup out first and add that to the mileage, but she’s not the best leash walker so I might have to do it in two parts. Come back in and head back out. It might work in my favor as I take her out first thing when I get home from work. When I come back in to drop her off it would be nice to change… walking in business casual clothes isn’t my favorite.

I am so excited for my appointment on Tuesday. I am trying to not get my hopes up. This is a new doctor whom my care was turned over to. I just hope we can find a new path.

I have decided to sell my Peloton. I’m just not seeing any results riding it. After talking with my brother I think I need to switch it up. Cycling was nice, but it’s getting old and I’m just over it. It’s $46.64/month for the membership, and hell I can get a gym membership for cheaper than that and do a little of everything.

I’m sure I will update after my appointment.

I last wrote after I had a great appointment and we upped my Metformin to 1000 mg/daily. I had to do bloodwork after the appointment, and it came back that there was some kidney issues, but we just wanted to keep an eye on it, and repeat it in a month. But the downside is that I had to go back to just 500mg of Metformin.

I felt I was a little stalled out, with weight loss, but it was still helping with the apatite suppression.

Then I repeated bloodwork in February, and got the results that evening. The doctor told me to quit the Metformin. The kidney being out of wack was worse. It required me needing a renal ultrasound. It took a while to hear about the results, but basically the kidney looked good, but my spleen is enlarged. It’s apparently not that big of a deal the doctor didn’t need a follow up. However it was the last few days of my doctor being at the practice.

I asked to get a follow up made with the new doctor taking over my care. It was scheduled for March 20th… I decided to take the day off. I went to the appointment and they forgot to call me and tell me the doctor was out unexpectedly that day. So now the appointment is scheduled for April 11th.

I was quite upset [thank you PMS] and went and held back tears in my car when I left. I was just ready to see next steps. Now I have to wait another 3 weeks.

Of course I have gained back some weight… I should weigh myself tomorrow morning. I’m sure my period is affecting my weight this week.

Just feeling blah about it all. I’m hopeful that this new doctor will be as willing to work with me like the last one was.

I need to post here a bit more frequently. Perhaps each Wednesday with a weigh in.. I will find some way of updating in a bit more consistent way.

I had a follow up with my doctor today, a lot of new things to update.

First, 265 on the scale this morning. Taking 500mg extended release Metformin.

We are doubling that, as of today. We are changing my sleeping pill from Trazadone to something else I do not recall the name of — trying something else to help with some night sweats, waking up at night; essentially possibly perimenopause symptoms.

I did some bloodwork today to check FSH levels, that will potentially tell if I’m in early stages of perimenopause as I have a handful of symptoms, but also to check some other levels and see if the Metform ins helping and could possibly lead to me maybe getting on something like Wegovy, Ozempic or even Monjaro but it’s working slowly but surly with Metformin for now…

Over the weekend I sent in an inquiry for therapy, and yesterday I made an appointment for next week. I’m still nervous and excited about it but mostly proud. I’m ready to start this part of my healthy life journey. This place also has a dietitian on staff and an eating disorder group, that maybe in time will work for me.

Time will tell but we are heading in the right direction.

I am bummed that my doctor is leaving, but I have faith in her that she’s leaving me in good hands. She’s burnt out, and I 100% get that. I wanted to give her a hug. I might get one more appointment with her before she’s done depending on the bloodwork. We both agreed that I would like to see the woman of the two options she gave me to be handed off to.

Cheers to 40, and a healthier me.

In May I met with a pain doctor about my back issues, and he suggested weight loss. I was all about seeing what options are out there, medically aside from surgery. I attended a virtual zoom for a consultation and it was terrible. You can read about it here. It was not for me. It was a few months later that I was done being pissed off about it that I decided to call my regular / general practice doctor. I thought I would start with her and see what next steps are. She was on leave through October, so I took the first appointment I could get. It was today.

I was so nervous but I also know I’m pretty good at advocating for myself; thank you to all my time volunteering in the epilepsy world. I had wrote down some questions and left them at home.

I had been hearing / learning about the medicine, Mounjaro on TikTok. Seriously I have learned a lot from TikTok

I went in planning on telling my story/why I was here: In short, the pain doc sent me to a wellness consultation, it was all shakes and didn’t seem sustainable. I want to loose weight but I want to do it as a lifestyle not a quick fix. I explained about my “holy shit I just binge ate” moment; and that I wanted to love myself, sometimes I don’t really like myself. I explained that I would love help / guidance for food / eating, and I also think I could benefit from therapy [this was hard to admit] and ultimately, I’m a few weeks from 40 and I want to give myself health this year.

She told me of three options, and one included Mounjaro! I wasn’t sure if she was going to be for or against it. For now, we are going to try an additional pill of Topamax [which I already take for my epilepsy, just not my main med] which DOES have some appetite suppression, and she’s adding in Metformin. I had heard of it, but wasn’t sure what it was for / what it did. It helps with insulin resistance. The way my doc explained it; while I do not have blood sugar levels to indicate or nearly indicate diabetes, there can be insulin resistance without the bloodwork showing. She has had many patients have some weight loss on it.

Ultimately we decided to up the one med, and add in the other; and for me to explore therapy. The hospital system in which I go to, at the time does not have a dietician at the time, but she suggested I check with the local grocery store! But she doesn’t want me to be overwhelmed and I appreciate that.

We are going to try this for the next two months, then I see her in January. We are going to explore Mounjaro or there are a few other weight loss meds similar, Wegovy and Ozempic. This is partially because I was honest with her and wanted to try something simpler first, but also my flex spend re-ups January 1st. She said that sometimes insurance makes changes for the good after the 1st of the year. I am hopeful.

I felt very empowered and understood when I left. And I am ready to start. I had to pick up one script after but the new ones were not ready. Luckily for me I have one already and I can just take that for the time being. It might just be tomorrow or Thursday before its ready and it’s no big deal. The thing she reiterated is that I am very healthy overall, my blood pressure is good, my cholesterol and all the other levels are good, great she said even in some areas. I just need a kick start. And I love that.

She never once asked me my goal weight or asked anything about that she let me lead the the convo. She was on my side and is cheering for me.

I was a bit early for my mammogram so I found a therapy clinic / group that lists eating disorder on their site. While I think it’s part of what I want, I know overall therapy not so focused will also benefit me as a whole. I”m going to reach out and see what next steps are for an appointment.

15 days out from 40. Happiness is in the works.

-jess

Today I saw my doctor, to seek help medically about my weight; but also my overall health. As I inch closer to 40 I want this upcoming year to be a journey of health. Physically, emotionally, mentally. All of it.

I want to go about this the right way. I’ve seen countless TikToks about weight loss meds used off label for weight loss that I am curious about but mostly I just want help to do this the right way. Not in a crash way that will not be sustainable. I am buying a new seat for my Peloton so it will be more comfortable for my bits.

I am going to be taking Metformin to help with apatite suppression. We upped my Topamax as well. It’s one of my seizure / migraine meds but also helps with apatite stuff too.

We also discussed seeing a therapist, she suggested one that has experience with eating disorders. I mentioned a few weeks back I was going to go run errands and I had made a small sandwich and had a handful of grape tomatoes but after I ran the errands I went through Taco Johns drive through. It was just a knee jerk reaction of after you run errands you get food. I wasn’t really hungry but I did it and ate. It was after I was done eating, and miserable that I realized it was a binge moment.

We discussed seeing a nutritionist, or dietitian. Currently the doctor system I use does not have a dietitian on staff due to shortages and such.

I will work on getting a therapist, and eventually dietitian. I do not think this will happen until after the first of the year as I will have new flex spend money then but I will work on researching. I am equally nervous, excited, and hopeful.

Starting at 272.2 pounds. Let’s see where the adventure takes us. This is my heaviest weight.

I have always heard of people binging on food. Sure we “binge” at holidays, and overeat, but I never thought I experienced this. Until today. But in reality, it has probably happened more often than I would like to admit. Today I just admitted to myself this is what it was.

I had showered and got ready to head out to make some Scentsy deliveries. I was waiting for one person to get back to me that I could drop at her door. I like to let them know and hopefully have them acknowledge; especially if they don’t have an entry way that’s open I can set it in, or a known spot that’s a bit more secure from elements and such.

I decided to have some cantaloupe that I bought yesterday, already cut up. I ate maybe half the container. Then I thought I better make a sandwich on the tea rolls from Hy-Vee, and had maybe a handful of some grape tomatoes.

After my deliveries I drove near the mall back to my place and thought I’d stop at Cold Stone and get some ice cream; they were closed and I wasn’t going to wait around for 20 minutes, so pulling out I could go right to head home or straight and get Taco Johns.

I am cringing at the fact that I’m even writing this but… I pulled straight to Taco Johns. I was going to get a kids meal, but it wouldn’t be enough to drink so I got the meal, albeit a small, but still; two tacos, potato oles and a Pepsi.

As I was sitting in the parking lot eating, I knew this was a binge. I am home and miserable. I didn’t eat all the potatoes, and left about half a taco, but still.

I am miserable, so much so I’m going to take a few Tums.

I have never been more excited for my upcoming appointments. I see the Neurologist, Gynecologist and general practice doctor in the span of 6 days.

For my 40th birthday I am making my health a priority. I am even open to maybe seeing a therapist… nothing changes if nothing changes, and I’m ready to start the process to make a change.

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in. No real update of anything worth writing.

I am really trying to think about what I grab for lunch at work, grabbing less. I still eat scrambled eggs with a slice of cheese and 2-3 pieces of bacon each morning. It fills me up and tastes good.

I am TRYING to drink more water, or water with a Crystal Light pack added in the afternoon vs going to get a Pepsi. At home I’m not doing so great. I go through spurts, water or Crystal Light [fruit punch is my flavor of choice] but it comes and goes.

I really need to be walking more and on the Peloton more than I have been. My pup has gotten so good at going potty pretty close to the front yard or a few yards over, so the walk is less. I am going to appreciate this when it’s below zero in the winter, but for now I need to take advantage of it being cooler but not freezing.

I had a thought to sell my Peloton this weekend, but then I wanted to decided against it. I am so very much looking forward to my appointments next month. I have a neurologist, gyno and family doctor appointment, all within a span of a week. I am REALLY trying to not get drive through / take out food, and I’m doing better. The upside, the finances are not allowing it… so I’m cooking at home a bit more.

I’ll update more after the appointments.

I was so disappointed with the weight loss consultation that I had back in June that I just stopped writing here. I have been trying to be better at watching my portions, stopping eating when I am no longer hungry, not eating until I’m stuffed. I’ve also been quite proud of the amount of water I have been drinking.

I was terrified to call my doctor and make an appointment to go another route regarding weight loss something that is more of a lifestyle, and can be maintained, vs shakes. Then I got a letter in the mail that my doctor was going to be on a leave through October. But I decided she would be back up even longer, so I called and made an appointment for November 8th.

I weighed myself this morning: 269.2 My first goal is to get to 250; but even 19 pounds seems like a lot. It’s been almost 9 months since I took my measurements, so I should update that.

I am so hopeful that heading into 40 that I can work on getting my health back.